Almost there

I use a crappy phone camera because I don't have a good one. I wrestled over the past idea of saving up for a Nikon or Rebel  but I know nothing about photography and I am afraid I won't understand how to use it correctly.

Maybe paying someone to shoot pictures is a better deal.

Tina quin park is one of my favorite parks. They have a nature hike, pond, lots of trees. It's just a fun park.

Sunny never holds still enough for pictures, but I got a few.

Sunny at 3 and a quarter

 Sunny loves purple and pink. She loves rain and wants to splash in puddles all the time.  She still hates sitting in shopping carts and prefers to be free.. She is still a social butterfly and is still very friendly to everyone. She is very energetic.  She runs everywhere, never walks.  She is picky eater. She is potty trained, doing exceptionally well. She loves preschool and anything to do with super hero's.  She hates feeling controlled and likes having her own way.  She often has meltdowns in stores if she can't have a toy.  Brushing her teeth is a challenge as she wants to do it herself.  Loves dance class and dances all the time. Speaks well and can express her wants,  needs or frustrations.

Here is one finished project. Tile work is done. Now we just need a fireplace insert so we can be warm and cozy this winter.

And that Boston Fern has been a royal pain to care for. They are beautiful plants if one lives in the right climate zone. I think I will pass on purchasing one again. They are so nice to look at though.

Reaching Out, Even When It's Difficult

Last week, I had a very touching experience happen to me that I don't want to forget.  It was a Saturday morning and I was walking to my mom's house so we could attend a funeral together for a dear friend.

As I walked past "The Boilers" as used to be called and a place I spent many hours playing as a kid, I saw an old homeless man walking out of the woody terrain. This place is just near my home and I remember going through the long, dark tunnel to get to the boilers as a kid. It is now closed off to the public.

I wondered if the tunnel is where his shelter has been all along.  I see this poor man walking past my house to go to the woods practically everyday, and many people I know see him walking along telegraph.

He wears a long sleeve shirt and jeans and carries a backpack. He walks extremely slow and frail and each time I have seen him walk past my house in over 100 degree tempatures, I have felt this yearning to do something.

As I walked past him this particular day on my way to my mom's, I said a simple "hello" in which he responded back. I kept walking and so did he. I wondered what to do next. I knew I was going to be late for the funeral, but I just felt prompted to do something more.  I began to soften.  I saw him as the Savior did.  My heart began to burn in a way it hadn't in a long time.

I looked in my purse and offered him a granola bar I planned to eat later.  He took the granola and offered me gratitude and thanked me over and over and said I made his day.

I asked him if he knew our bishop and gave him a lot of information about him. He was interested and began to tell me a story.  It was then my mom drove down the street and I offered him 5.00. He said he would not take the money. I pleaded for him to take it, but he said he doesn't like to take people's money and only would take food or drink.

I have never had a homeless person reject money. I saw how humble this man really was.  He was dirty and needed a bath and new clothes. He looked so dehydrated and skinny.  Although I was dressed up for said funeral, I suddenly wanted to forget myself and offer him a hug for comfort.

As we drove away, my heart felt full but sad.  I have felt curious about his story for sometime and each day I wonder where he is or where I can find him in those woods.  I want to offer him a hot meal or some compassion.

I wondered if this man feels unloved on a daily basis.  I wondered if things I take for granted such as a granola bar, really mattered to him.  He taught me that I can do more. It is so easy to look at people at the superficial level and assume they are just fine, but how do we really know if they are fine until we dig a littler deeper past the surface.

I have learned that fear of rejection is just pride in ourselves. If we are constantly thinking our own feelings rather then someone else's, it can lead to us becoming self absorbed.  Thinking of others before ourselves is what Christ taught. How many times did he heal the sick but only get a small token of gratitude back from a small amount of people. This did not stop him, he continued to be humble.

In this fast paced society, it's easy to focus on our to do list, getting from point A to point B, and worrying about our own little bubble of comfort.  Taking time to slow down, analyze our surroundings and really seek out revelations and promptings is what matters. Not the wordly stuff, the Real stuff. The stuff that matters.

Wherever this man is tonight, I am thinking of him. I am loving him and I am willing to do more for him. I hope that we can all do that when we feel that prompting.  We don't need to necessarily offer money each time, but food or even a soft touch or time with someone, can make the world of difference to someone else, and may just make our own day a little brighter.

First Day

Sunny started pre-school today. My mama heart melted a little as I got her to school. Her backpack was packed, her tummy was full and she was ready to make new friends.

"Sunny, I said to her, Did you know school is for learning new things."

I know she is not thrilled to learn.  She is excited to be around kids and make new friends. Isn't that what makes school fun at 3, the social part.

I love this new preschool she goes to. It is very spacious, and it incorporates physical activities into her 3 hour schedule. She does gymnastics,  yoga, karate, and so much more.

Sunny absolutely loved her first day!!

    She doesn't look amused,  but she had a blast.

She did not cry when I left, nor does she ever. She confidently said goodbye and shoode me on my way.

I had planned to take loads of pictures but of course that never happens.

Her teacher gave me this poem she wrote. It is so touching. Double click on photo to enlarge.

When we got home later that day, she couldn't wait to make her "house." Baby sister's cradle has become her favorite hang out.

10 New Fall Goals

Okay, it's not fall yet, but the air, it's feeling a little crisp lately. I can feel it. I am excited.

I like to set goals. I don't reach many of them. But, I still like to set them. Yesterday, I wrote a post about my newborn fears and how affirmations and prayer can strengthen me.  Here are 10 more goals I am striving to work on now.

1. Read or listen to scriptures at least 10 minutes a day.
I am doing very well with this. I actually listen to my scriptures on audio and usually lay there, paint my nails, or fold laundry.  Best thing ever.

2. Attend temple. This one is hard. I can't get anyone to babysit. Seriously frustrating when we both yearn for the temple so bad. Rodney and I haven't been on a temple or date in years I think.

3. Stop cursing. Yes, I admitted to something nobody would expect from me. Damn, hell, ass and shit are so ladylike Amy!!

4. E xcersise 3-4 times a week.
I am doing great at this one, I just can't stop after I get huge or post partum. No excuses.

5. Cut down on sugar. Seriously, this is so hard. Sometimes it feels impossible.

6. Finish all my crochet projects. I have a problem with starting then stopping.

7. Put my device away. No internet except on weekends, except to blog. If I do use internet, only 10 minutes allowed a day.
This goal I do well on.

8. Have dinner ready at same time each week night. By being consistant, I can make it to gym at set time, sunny gets her playtime and Rodney gets study time.

9.  Get visiting teaching done at first of month, not last day. I LOVE visiting people. I love looking at how people decorate their homes. I love when my VT's come to see me.

10. Read 3 or more books a month. So far, I have two left to go.

So, there are my 10 goals. I have much more, but I think starting with 10 for now is best.

Pray For Faith Not Fear, Strength Can Replace Weakness.

Today at church I saw a beautiful newborn baby girl that was just born a week ago.  I sat in the lounge talking with her mother as she sat and nursed her baby. I haven't been around a newborn for a long time. They are cute, cuddly and smell so good.

She let out a loud cry as she had her diaper changed. Her mother reminded me about how much newborns have to be changed and how much they eat and sometimes, depending on the baby, how much they cry. I held her for a brief moment as she cried.  Part of me just wanted to hand her back to her mom. As sweet as she was, I just felt overwhelmed of what is to come.

I begin to feel a sense of fear. When I got home, I told Rodney that being around a newborn today brought some feelings back. I began to doubt my abilities. I shared with him how my days with Sunny as a newborn, although a huge blur at times, suddenly came back to me. I remembered all of it.  The non-stop months and months of crying from Sunny's colic, and my extreme depressive state from lack of sleep, lack of "me" time and overall nursing fatigue left me defeated.

I know some babies are much easier then others. I have babysat some of the most mild mellow babies anyone has ever seen, having me dream of having 10 of them.

 Crying and loud noises make me very uncomfortable and the thought of going through it again with this baby has made me feel less at ease about the "unknown." There are days I can barely handle Sunny. Let's face it.  In a previous post, I mentioned how over-stimulated my mind is due to new advances in her non-stop speaking skills, in addition to her never sleeping, waking up, and being extremely hard to discipline at times. The kid is just a handful sometimes, but she is my whole life. I love her to the moon and back.

I know there is a time and season for everything.  Someday, the kids will be in school and my heart will hurt for them, wanting them with me. Every time I complain about dumb little things, I want to slap myself and remind myself to stop sweating the small stuff. JUST BE THANKFUL and strive to improve the next day. Everyday is fresh, a new start.

Affirmations to myself can help. I can do this. I have learned not to judge others. Everyone is fighting their own battle and there are pieces of other's life we have no idea even exist. If more people opened up about their struggles,fears, trials,  a larger support system offering healing and self-awareness could take place amongst so many people out there.

Rodney offered a peice of advice that soothed my inner soul today and really lessened some of my fears of that unknown. He said to pray. Just pray. The Lord can help me through any trial and he can help me become stronger then I realize.

33 Weeks

I haven't taken any maternity pictures of myself with this baby. Shame on me. Everytime I think about doing it, it never happens. I just can't seem to get myself organized, made up or even put makeup on. But next week, I am determined to get some done and then I will share.

Here I am with Sunny at the exact time I am with this baby now.  It seems like yesterday. Pregnancy with Sunny was a breeze. I felt so good. I can't say this time around I feel the same way, but hey, nothing is expected to be the same. Sunny was a very fussy baby. Maybe this one will be mellow. She is having a huge dance party right now, keeping me up. I do love it, especially those hiccups.

I was definately smaller. They say you are bigger each subsequential pregnancy and that is true.

I am so hungry all the time too. I crave nothing but bread all the time. Ohhhhh, a slice of crusty artisan bread or a sour dough bread bowl filled with my favorite soup. I just dream of the savory.

As far as how I feel comfortable wise. Well, she has dropped it seems and is always right on my bladder, making me pee about every 10 minutes. The pressure is not the best feeling. I know with Sunny I had the exact same thing going on, but experienced it about 37 weeks instead. She had dropped so low I couldn't even be checked for dilation without being sedated in the hospital. It was that bad. This time around, I have a feeling I might just tick off those nurses once and again who insist they need to check me and I am fighting them. It's my body for crying out loud. Do as I say!

Here is a little update on Sunny.  She is still fully potty-trained. talking very fast, and stopped taking naps. After two consecutive naps in one week last month, I got a little excited and felt she had changed. But, no naps. I just got to accept it.  She starts pre-school this week and will be gone 6 hours a week. I am so nervous, anxious, and excited about it.

I hope we're off to a great school year!