So, I wasn't going to return to my blog until August or until school started, and I also planned to reduce or even limit my use of technology this summer. But, do I ever stick to goals? Not really.
I wanted to write a little update about my thoughts on instagram while still fresh in my mind.
I told myself I was never going to be a social media person. I said no to facebook for years, until finally joining, I said no to instagram until someone talked me into it.
I am easily persuaded by people, so I decided, why not.
Let me say this now, while pregnant, I am super duper emotional. Anything can tear me up. I am not normally that way. Pregnancy gets to my last nerve and the best way to sum up how I feel most during this time is I just crave a lot of caring people. Normally I don't, but right now, I just want to feel someone cares, anyone! Is that a pregnancy thing or what, haha!
As I lay on the couch just crying my eyes out that nobody on instagram wants to to give me a chance, my visiting teaching pulled up. I opened the door with my eyes all puffy and teary. She asked if I was okay, I said, yes. Again, normally, this kind of thing would not get to me so quick. I only gave instagram a chance for 3 days before calling it quits. I am such a quitter, I know!
I realize this is so immature for me to behave this way. My gosh, this isn't high school anymore. I know my ridiculously sensitive pregnancy hormones don't help right now.
One of my sisters had a birthday last month. I decided to do something extra special for her, so I made her a cake and frosting from scratch. Sunny and I spent a good portion of the afternoon prepping for this cake. My mom finally got ahold of her. She picked my mom up and took her to a big birthday celebration that her kids threw for her. My mom told my sister that the cake i made for her was at the house and to come try some when the party was over. My sister never showed up, she never tried my cake I made for her, she never told me thank you. She ignored me. It got to me so hard that I am still so emotional about it. My best sister and this is how it goes. It just saddens me full throttle right now.
I spent years of my teens babysitting for her, devoting my time to help her, cleaning her house, everything. I would do anything for her and always have. I was at her beck n call. I have never done anything but help her in my life. That is what hurts the most.
I am the type who really reaches out to people. I put my heart out a lot and try to get to know people and let people know I care about them. By doing so, I know I am susceptible to getting hurt. I can't even tell you how many times my heart was broken in college by some guys or even some of my gal friends who I helped and helped but learned later they were only using me.
I get some people are not overly friendly back and so I draw away from them in fear of getting hurt. It's just who I am or have become.
Why oh why does it bother me? Because we are supposed to be unified sisters in the gospel of Jesus Christ, a sisterhood, a support, a friend, someone who loves and cares about each other.
I feel more sadness because of that very reason. A reason centered around some gravitating towards some, either by choosing to connect with them or not.
I believed instagram could be a way for me to have a support group, a mom group, anything. I love talking to people. It seems in our society, it is harder and harder to connect with people in real life. Technology and social media seem the root of all connection nowadays. Does this seem wrong? In some ways it's great, in others, not so great.
I was reading an instagram article. It pointed out do's and dont's of instagram etiquette. One thing that really stuck out to me was it mentioned followers. Similiar to manners, it said if someone follows an individual, that individual is really supposed to follow back. If they don't, unfollow them. Instagram should never be one sided.
Instagram proved to be a mistake in the long run. I can't control others, but I can control my reaction. There is so much good out there and so much competition, I just felt my feed was a tiny needle in a HUGE haystack. I suppose I could of given instagram a chance, read up more about how to get followers, but I can't even remember some of my friends last names now from my childhood.
How am I supposed to find anyone?. It just got to be too much, and quite frankly, It feels right not being involved with social media in such a way. My life feels lighter again. I don't feel the need to compare myself to others, I don't feel the need to take perfect filtered pictures, and I don't feel the need that I need to take pictures of interesting things, just to feel cool on there. I just like living my life simple. This feels right.
I am a daughter of God and I know social media is just part of the plan to test our strengths and weaknesses on this earth. I can't turn worldly, but I can turn more spiritual. Going to the temple with my husband, reading my scriptures every morning and daily prayer are my strengths and my focus now and I feel my greatest acceptance when I am closest to the Lord.
source for picture: http://feelgrafix.com/group/images-of-flowers.html