I bought a gorgeous diaper bag that I later found was not practical or functional. Little did I know.
I decorated a nursery and crib thinking I would walk down the hall each night when baby woke. Little did I know that never happened.
I bought beautiful white dresses and outfits full of lace and frill and delicate baby shoes, never imagining they would quickly be stained or shoes lost.
I pictured myself with makeup on daily, hair done, and a beautiful mama wardrobe right on point.
After I became one, I realized quickly how messy it is. How colicy a baby can be, and little sleep and hours of nursing can make mama live in pajamas for a time being.
How could I have been so wrong.
When I think of each year that goes by, Sunny turning 3, I feel rather accomplished in a way. I have kept this child alive for 3 whole years. Wow!
The gym is my favorite place to socialize with other mama's. I love all my friends dearly, but sometimes I get caught in comparing myself to them.
I don't think anybody is perfect, but some people come across as a tad bit superior to me when it comes to how they parent.
Enter the world of Instagram, ahem I mean Pleasantville.
A few weeks ago, I was walking laps with a friend who has 3 kids. She told me her bedtime routine with each child. She went on to say that every night her kids have a strict routine which involves the whole brushing teeth, singing songs or reading before bed, followed by scriptures and prayer.
Scripture reading could be more consistent and we are working on it.
She asked me about mine. I was honest and said I have never had a bedtime routine with Sunny. She usually just falls asleep on one of our laps while we are watching TV, then we carry her off to bed.
Another friend informed me that her children are not allowed to watch TV unless it's a special day or a huge reward.
My thought on that was what is wrong with TV shows. Most are educational and children love that time to relax.
Sunny watches about two hours a day and she learns a ton from her shows.
Some mother's may have better structure then I, but they also may have a different child then I. Yes, I am sure I could follow their examples and do as they do, but that is not going to happen at this time of my life.
That is one reason why I choose not to have an instagram account. Long ago I became way to frustrated over perfectly neat homes, children devouring messy food with no stains anywhere, and happy smiling faces all the time. Is this real or is it an illusion. I just don't care to associate with it. Instagram is wondeful I some ways, but it can also cause feelings of inadequacy. I am sure mother's across the world wonder if they can measure up to another mama out there. Not sure this is healthy.
The reality of my life is it is messy. I have lots of stained clothes. Handprints and crayons are found on my walls and glass, and each day, my table and floor are lined with crumbs.
Naps are non-existent in my home and constant fixer upper tasks are done along with parenting.
If my toddler was somewhat of a robot and behaved exactly as I wished or commanded her, maybe I would be up to a smooth, consistant, perfectly routined polished bedtimes, each night for her.
Instead, I am going to sit my bum on the couch and relax with my 3 musketeer family and snuggle my sleeping girl as she rests on our laps.
This concludes my journal rant tonight.
This is my life and I am blessed with what I"ve got.