Tired. So So Tired

Here is another random post today. I guess you can say I am just plain frustrated. Extreme tiredness is more like it. Don't get me wrong, I love being pregnant,  It's my favorite, but i'm in that phase of wishing I felt normal again.

Here my vent begins.
During this pregnancy, I have lost count of how many times I have fallen asleep during the day.  I have found myself fighting myself to stay awake to take care of Sunny.

But I am going to admit some things that have been happening around here. Please don't call the Social Services Department on me, but I have fallen asleep on the job a few times a day.  Sunny could be playing with her lego's, I could be watching her, and the next minute, I am out.  I have no idea how long I am asleep, but a few times when I have woken up, Sunny has been in her room playing.

I can't imagine what guilt I would feel if she got hurt or walked outside. This is scary stuff.

The TV is on most of the day for Sunny's entertainment. During that time, I drift in and out of consciousness.

People may ask if I go to bed at a descent hour. The answer is yes. I go to bed as soon as Sunny is asleep. This varies between 9:30 and 10 pm. Some days I am lucky because she goes to bed at 9 pm.  Sunny hates to sleep.

When I do go to bed, I am awoken in the night by the constant need to pee.  I go maybe once or twice in the night.  Then my back hurts and I try to get comfortable.  I am a back sleeper, and sleeping on the back is a huge no-no in pregnancy, mainly the 2nd trimester. So I just suffer with sleeping on my side, with lots of pillows between me and my legs.
Then Sunny comes into our room between 2-3 am. I have no idea why she wakes in the night, but as soon as she gets in bed next to me and feels my body next to hers, she is sound asleep.  The problem is, I can't sleep like that.

Sleeping problems at night and just plain pregnancy haggardness and fatigue, I have found myself just a plain zombie.

Did I mention very sick. I have actually thrown up at the grocery store. This morning sickness lasts all day with me.

About 19- 20 weeks and on, is when I start feeling normal and super great, as was last time. I am almost there.

My hygiene is embarrassing. I hardly do my hair, no makeup, lounge clothes all day and in public. All part of being an official zombie.

Rodney is so great about helping me out. He works 40 hours a week and he goes to school full time, so I hate asking him to watch Sunny all the time. He often does though because he is just that great.

I have found my greatest strength to be God.   The Lord has given me amazing strength in the past when Sunny was sick as a infant, and I know he can help me gain strength during this pregnancy.  All I need to do is ask.  The Lord understands each of us and our needs. This is just the season of life I am in right now. I know my energy will return in about a month. I miss that energy.

Picture source: thedailymail.UK.


Don't Hide That Bump

This is a bit of a random post, but it's been on my mind a lot lately. I needed to write this down.

Last time I was pregnant, I hate to admit, but I did try to hide my growing bump. I wanted to be pregnant for so long, and then when it happened, I tried to hide it with baggy clothing.  Why, Amy, why?

It's so complex. I can't even begin to describe why?  But when I was pregnant with Sunny, I never wore anything that accentuated my stomach, unless around the house.  I often would walk around with my purse over my stomach to try to hide it. When I did go to the store, ward functions, work, etc, I wore anything to deflect notice to my stomach.

Having a baby shower scared me. I did not want one to be honest.

Pregnancy is a wonderful, beautiful thing. It's a miracle.  I decided that this time around, I would take on a different approach. No more hiding from what God blessed me with. This time around, I will celebrate and walk with confidence.  After all, I am a daughter of God. I can't live my life bothered of what others may think.  What about my own feelings.  Nobody should live that way.

It all sounds very silly in the end, but I have a huge sensitivity towards women struggling to get pregnant.  I've been there!

I understand that some infertile people feel pain when they see a pregnant woman.  That is completely natural and expected.  A huge part of why I tried to conceal my bump with Sunny, was out of worry I was hurting someone.  I don't like to hurt anyone. Every once in awhile, I would see a woman alone, glancing at me, then walking away. I wondered if I caused her pain, or if I was a reminder of what she wanted, but couldn't seem to have.

Now, my new approach is to walk tall, stand tall, as the daughter of God we are. Pregnant or not, we all deserve that walk of confidence. If people don't smile, turn the other cheek and continue to maintain that confidence.

Pregnancy is such a short chapter in one's life. Embrace it and love it!

Easter 2016

I have so many fun memories of Easter. The magic is so strong when you are a child, but somehow having a child now, the magic returns.

Easter a a time to celebrate Christ's birth, his resurrection, the atonement, renewal, birth, and all things fresh and alive, just like Spring symbolizes.

As a kid, I remember sugar overload right before church. It never fell on a fast sunday, and my morning before church consisted of lots of sugar cookies and easter eggs filled with yummy treasures.

We are trying to set more traditions in our family, so this year we decided that we would start the tradition of bisquits and gravy with all the fixins'  on Easter morning. This year was fast sunday in our ward, so we had it Saturday night and it was amazing!!

I am not opposed to cinnamon rolls like we have Christmas morning, but a hearty breakfast just sounds better.  (To make bisquits and gravy, use the McCormick brand country gravy packet. So easy, to make. Then just use your favorite homemade bisquit recipe).

Sunny was so excited this year. She must be growing up.  We had a little Easter egg hunt, just the three of us, in our backyard after dad and I spent a few hours painting the outside of our house. She was so thrilled to find all these eggs hidden.  Then she got to color eggs that night with daddy. She is starting to love hard boiled eggs and I hope colorful ones will make her want to eat them more.

My favorite part was shopping for the easter candy. Dad's too.  There are so many varieties out there, but you know me, I ended up getting tons of chocolate favorites. Dark chocolate eggs, reeses eggs, robin eggs, chocolate bunnies. Then I saw the cadbury eggs. I think I wanted them all. But had to pass on them this year. Too much candy around here is not safe, mostly from me.

                                                     Her Easter egg hunt collection
                                                                    Easter Morning.
                                                              She really dug in. Sugar High.

                                                               So happy it's Easter!
                                                              After church pictures.
                                                      She really tested my patience at church
                                                      today.  I think she teaches me more then
                                                      I could ever teach her.

                                                                      What's that?
                                                            Sunny will be 3 years old in less
                                                            then 2 months.  How is that
                                                            possible. Wasn't she just born?

I haven't done an update for awhile, so here it goes. Sunny is growing up so quick.  Just last night, she actually got herself out of the tub on her own, grabbed her own towel and walked right into the room where I was. She insisted in dressing herself.

I can't say she isn't potty trained, because she is. She understands the concept 100%.  Her problem is defiancy.  There are days where she will wake up and say she needs to use the potty, and there are other days she absolutely refuses. It all depends on her mood.  She still refuses to poop in the potty.  I don't understand why, but she just won't.  I am just patiently waiting for her to choose to use the potty all the time. I will not force her to use it.

One of the things she is doing now is shushing us whenever she is scolded.  It will end like, Shhhhhhh, Shhhhhhh, Shhhhhhhh with her finger up on her lips.  It's cute now, but won't be when she's 4.

She still doesn't obey or listen too well.  She has a mind of her own and what she wants, she is determined to get.  That is our biggest challenge going on.

What Sunny is teaching me most of all is how to be a calm, soft spoken mother.  Thast is so not me, but when I am that way, she is a better behaved child. I also notice she is better behaved when I validate her feelings, rather then be annoyed by how she is reacting.  Ignoring her attention getting behaviors, rather then reacting to them, also helps her behavior in the long run.

Oh, I am learning so much. I wish I could be consistent with her daily, I am working on it, but in the gist of it all, I am so glad she's our and that we are a family.  I love who she is. She makes me laugh everyday, and she is my best friend. I love her with all my heart.


Mango Salsa (see January archive on right for recipe)