First Day

Sunny started pre-school today. My mama heart melted a little as I got her to school. Her backpack was packed, her tummy was full and she was ready to make new friends.

"Sunny, I said to her, Did you know school is for learning new things."

I know she is not thrilled to learn.  She is excited to be around kids and make new friends. Isn't that what makes school fun at 3, the social part.

I love this new preschool she goes to. It is very spacious, and it incorporates physical activities into her 3 hour schedule. She does gymnastics,  yoga, karate, and so much more.

Sunny absolutely loved her first day!!

    She doesn't look amused,  but she had a blast.

She did not cry when I left, nor does she ever. She confidently said goodbye and shoode me on my way.

I had planned to take loads of pictures but of course that never happens.

Her teacher gave me this poem she wrote. It is so touching. Double click on photo to enlarge.

When we got home later that day, she couldn't wait to make her "house." Baby sister's cradle has become her favorite hang out.

10 New Fall Goals

Okay, it's not fall yet, but the air, it's feeling a little crisp lately. I can feel it. I am excited.

I like to set goals. I don't reach many of them. But, I still like to set them. Yesterday, I wrote a post about my newborn fears and how affirmations and prayer can strengthen me.  Here are 10 more goals I am striving to work on now.

1. Read or listen to scriptures at least 10 minutes a day.
I am doing very well with this. I actually listen to my scriptures on audio and usually lay there, paint my nails, or fold laundry.  Best thing ever.

2. Attend temple. This one is hard. I can't get anyone to babysit. Seriously frustrating when we both yearn for the temple so bad. Rodney and I haven't been on a temple or date in years I think.

3. Stop cursing. Yes, I admitted to something nobody would expect from me. Damn, hell, ass and shit are so ladylike Amy!!

4. E xcersise 3-4 times a week.
I am doing great at this one, I just can't stop after I get huge or post partum. No excuses.

5. Cut down on sugar. Seriously, this is so hard. Sometimes it feels impossible.

6. Finish all my crochet projects. I have a problem with starting then stopping.

7. Put my device away. No internet except on weekends, except to blog. If I do use internet, only 10 minutes allowed a day.
This goal I do well on.

8. Have dinner ready at same time each week night. By being consistant, I can make it to gym at set time, sunny gets her playtime and Rodney gets study time.

9.  Get visiting teaching done at first of month, not last day. I LOVE visiting people. I love looking at how people decorate their homes. I love when my VT's come to see me.

10. Read 3 or more books a month. So far, I have two left to go.

So, there are my 10 goals. I have much more, but I think starting with 10 for now is best.

Pray For Faith Not Fear, Strength Can Replace Weakness.

Today at church I saw a beautiful newborn baby girl that was just born a week ago.  I sat in the lounge talking with her mother as she sat and nursed her baby. I haven't been around a newborn for a long time. They are cute, cuddly and smell so good.

She let out a loud cry as she had her diaper changed. Her mother reminded me about how much newborns have to be changed and how much they eat and sometimes, depending on the baby, how much they cry. I held her for a brief moment as she cried.  Part of me just wanted to hand her back to her mom. As sweet as she was, I just felt overwhelmed of what is to come.

I begin to feel a sense of fear. When I got home, I told Rodney that being around a newborn today brought some feelings back. I began to doubt my abilities. I shared with him how my days with Sunny as a newborn, although a huge blur at times, suddenly came back to me. I remembered all of it.  The non-stop months and months of crying from Sunny's colic, and my extreme depressive state from lack of sleep, lack of "me" time and overall nursing fatigue left me defeated.

I know some babies are much easier then others. I have babysat some of the most mild mellow babies anyone has ever seen, having me dream of having 10 of them.

 Crying and loud noises make me very uncomfortable and the thought of going through it again with this baby has made me feel less at ease about the "unknown." There are days I can barely handle Sunny. Let's face it.  In a previous post, I mentioned how over-stimulated my mind is due to new advances in her non-stop speaking skills, in addition to her never sleeping, waking up, and being extremely hard to discipline at times. The kid is just a handful sometimes, but she is my whole life. I love her to the moon and back.

I know there is a time and season for everything.  Someday, the kids will be in school and my heart will hurt for them, wanting them with me. Every time I complain about dumb little things, I want to slap myself and remind myself to stop sweating the small stuff. JUST BE THANKFUL and strive to improve the next day. Everyday is fresh, a new start.

Affirmations to myself can help. I can do this. I have learned not to judge others. Everyone is fighting their own battle and there are pieces of other's life we have no idea even exist. If more people opened up about their struggles,fears, trials,  a larger support system offering healing and self-awareness could take place amongst so many people out there.

Rodney offered a peice of advice that soothed my inner soul today and really lessened some of my fears of that unknown. He said to pray. Just pray. The Lord can help me through any trial and he can help me become stronger then I realize.