Friday, April 18, 2014

I've Changed

I went to Zumba class last night for the first time in over a year. I couldn't keep up. I used to rock at Zumba. It was so easy for me. Perhaps because I was doing yoga and curves at the time and slept the night. I guess you can say since having baby, I have let myself go a bit. I suppose my diet is not as great as it once was, or my exercise, or my lifestyle. I am a huge fan of Dr. Phil's wife, Robin McGraw. I have read two of her books. I love how she stresses that we, women, need to start putting ourselves first. It's not selfish, she says. If mama ain't happy, nobody's happy. So true. So many wives and mothers constantly put their husbands or children before themselves. Robin believes that is why she lost her mother so young. Her mother always neglected herself and took care of her kids and husband first. She has made a point that we must make more efforts to put ourselves as a priority. It really got me thinking hard. I need to take better care of myself. I want to be the best wife and mother I know how to be.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

A Few Things On My Mind

I love typing because I can type very fast. I took many keyboarding classes in high school and it paid off. I hate writing. I am a horrible journal writer because I hate to write. I have very poor handwriting because I hate to write. I am a horrible blogger, but I have excuses for that. Sometimes there are things I just need to type....just to get it out. One day I will thank myself. The first thing I want to write about is friendship. I love friends, but I am horrible at making them. Always have been. There have been times in my life where I have met some very easy people, who just make it easy for me to become friends with. I have always been a rather socially awkward person. Not exactly shy, but maybe a tad bit reserved. My sisters on the other hand are social butterflies and have hundreds of friends on facebook. Maybe that is why I don't particularly like facebook. I felt it was too much of a social club of who has the most friends or who has the most comments or likes. To me, that is just ridiculous and somewhat high school all over again. But in my lifetime, I can count on both hands how many people I just click with right away. These people were met in high school, college, church or through mutual friends, but there are not too many of them. I have met people who are the talkers, the listeners, the distracted, or the awkwardly silent, stare at you without saying anything, people. There are many personalities out there, and none of them are bad, but some personalities just click with me right away. These friends know who they are. They are the kind that have awesome conversational skills. They show genuine interest in a subject and they offer feedback and advice when needed. I understand that when parents are joined by kids, it's very hard to maintain a conversation without being distracted, and that is expected. But when adults are alone, we really get a glimpse of all different personalities. We are all different, that is what makes the world go round. Some people are just blessed with the gift of good conversational skills. When you find people like that, you remember them. Another topic I want to talk about is Love. After having Sunny, I felt the greatest love I have ever felt. I have a great husband, but the love between a mother and child is beyond measure. I didn't know what real love felt like until Sunny was born. There are times when stress over burdens me or a lack of sleep takes its toll and I find myself snapping. I don't mean to snap, but the only person around to hear me snap is my most precious gift, Sunny. I don't want her to grow up and know me as a mom that snaps. I want her to see me as the kind, loving, and nurturing person I know I am meant to be. That is why tonight, I decided to make a pledge to myself. Never will I yell or snap in front of my daughter. She doesn't understand what stress or frustrations I may be dealing with that day. In her eyes, there is only unconditional love. I want her to remember one thing. Love. If I find myself upset, I need to leave the room and pray. I need to remember that some things are just too small to become stressed over. I want to cherish every second of Sunny's life. I want to embrace every second I have with my family and loved ones. I want to love every second of my life and respect my family. Life is too short not to cherish every second we have with our loved ones. A hundred loves and kisses a day if never enough, but is enough for the person feeling it.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Growing Up

I really need to get better at journaling and blogging. One day I will look back and not remember things I wish I would of documented. For the record, Sunny is still not sleeping the night. She wakes quite frequently which takes a toll on my functioning during the day. However, I am thriving and praying and I know Heavenly Father really makes mother's strong. I haven't gotten sick, I am able to take care of Sunny and somewhat myself, and I still know something about being a wife. I may not have dinner on the table every night or my house cleaned, but I am making effort to improve and that is what matters, right? So, I have a sticker on the back of my Buick that says, "Baby On Board" ever see that sticker? It is bright yellow and I got it at Toysrus (how do you spell that)? So anyway, I got it after Sunny was born because I thought that sticker would make other more drivers more cautious if they knew a baby was in the car. I am one of those people who have been rear ended too many times and I have become paranoid about that happening again. So, are other cars more cautious around me because of that sticker? Nope. Not at all. You would think they would be, but from what I gather, some drivers don't give a stinkin hoot if you have a baby in your vehicle or not. I have been tailgated, honked at, and even had a vindictive looking man step out of his vehicle and approach my car at a stop light because I wasn't making a left at the light fast enough. Well, for one, I was waiting for the green ar
row, and two, I could't see around me because of the intersection difficulties, and third, it was snowing for crying out loud. So that sticker may not make much difference to "some" drivers, but it should. Any mother would understand how cautious we are when we have an innocent baby as a bystander. What kind of world do we live in? Texting while driving, distracted driving and drunk driving, and ruthless people who are in a hurry and all about themselves, not caring about others' safety, even at the innocence of a child. Okay, enough of the ranting and rumbling. I want to talk about some milestones with Sunny (she is asleep right now, so I am typing extremely fast, hoping I can complete this blog post quickly so I can get some much needed rest myself). So Sunny has four teeth right now. Two top and two bottom. I believe canines and molars develop between 12-36 months. Anywho, Sunny has made a lot of use out of those new teeth, besides looking adorable. She is biting now. Ouch!! She still has not had much interest in finger food, so we are keeping with the pureed stuff. She is a picky eater and only takes a few bites a day. I was a little concerned at first, but read that BF is okay for the first year without a lot of solids if that is baby's preference. She is starting to dance and little to music, she is practicing running, she loves the swing, hates the slide, and loves to keep moving. She loves water and the bath and gets so excited when she is around anything water. I will try to post a few pictures. Right now our computer is slow. I hope everyone is having a lovely spring break. Isn't it exciting that spring is here!!

Friday, March 28, 2014

My Paranoia

You all hear about paranoias. Some are crazy, some are interesting to say the least, and others quite understandable. I saw a Dr. Phil show once about different paranoid people's problems. One lady was paranoid of clowns, another of balloons, another of airplanes, the list goes on. I didn't judge any of these people, even the lady terrified of balloons. It might sound crazy and immature to be afraid of something so common, but my heart went out to her. The problem with people who judge other people for their paranoid issues, is that we don't have the understanding to know what it is like to be in their own shoes. Paranoia is a real issue and it's not up to anyone to judge. I have had a secret paranoia for over 6 years now. I don't like to tell many people what it is because I have been told I am crazy. But to me, it's a real problem. I am terrified of catching HIV or AIDS. IF you have that paranoia, then you might understand where I am coming from, but if you don't, then you will flat out think I am weird. Back in my teens, I was very carefree. I only washed my hands after using the restroom and sometimes before a meal, but for the most part, I never used hand sanitizer and never cared to. I opened public doors without using a paper receipt or tissue paper, I wasn't afraid to shake anyone's hand, and I never cared to disinfect any shopping carts before the I used them. Those were the days. The days I miss. So what changed and what on earth happened to me? I am not quite sure, but I do know that the paranoia has consumed me. During pregnancy and after giving birth, the paranoia became even worse. I refused to take my daughter to stores and place her in a shopping cart, I refused to allow her to crawl on floors, or go to parks and play. You see, in my mind, contaminated blood is following my every move, waiting to infect me and my loved ones. Of course all the convincing in the world won't matter. "You cant' catch HIV from the environment," You can't catch it from door-knobs or shopping carts," and so on. You only catch HIV from three common ways.....and so on and so on. None of that helped me. The good news is that my paranoia is starting to go away. The last two months, I have done things I never could do before. My daughter is on the ground a lot, everything is in her mouth, and I have not used hand sanitizer half as much. The paranoia is less on my mind. After six years of this problem, it is great to finally feel like I once did. I know I have a long way to go still, but I have seen improvements in myself and I am less uptight in public places and more of the person I used to be. That is enough to make me really want to celebrate. Just to give you a few facts to ease your worry, the CDC has an excellent website and inform thhe public that you can not catch HIV from the environment (from objects, etc). Contaminated blood does not survive once exposed to air and does not reproduce outside of human body. Good to know. ;)

Vaccine Today

Sunny went in for her wellness check today. She is 28 inches and 16 pounds. I am not sure about some scales. She first weighed 17 pounds and then the second time she weighed 16, so who really knows. Since she is actively walking, she was very adventurous and did not want to be held by anyone. When the doctor came in, Sunny began babbling extremely loud. She does that often when adults talk. She will talk over you and make sure her voice gets louder and louder. I could not hear the doctor, and I don't think he could hear me. Lol. Sunny is so dramatic that when they weighed her and took her measurements, she screamed like none other. She hates to be confined and will let you know exactly how she is feeling. She is one baby who lets her emotions be well understood and never holds anything in. Towards the end of the appointment, they asked me if I wanted to get her vaccines. Of course I do on so many levels, but I have been told by so many people and read so many books discouraging me from vaccines. What is a mom to do? I asked them if I could have the shots staggered so she gets one or two at a time and they said they don't do that, so she ended up getting one shot today and the others I will wait until she is a year old. I felt okay about my choice. Sunny cried for a brief moment after the shot and then she was so sleepy she began to wind down. She is napping so I am able to write this post. I have so many projects and tasks I have bee wanting to do lately, as well as journal entries, but my tiredness from no sleeping and delay in other chores has kept me behind. Sunny still has sleeping issues. She wakes anywhere from 3-5 times a night. She wakes up with a loud scream. I have gotten so programmed to just wake from my deep sleep and go pick her up. She sleeps in her crib in our room due to the frequent sleeping problems. As soon as she wakes up, I pick her up because I am afraid Rodney will be disturbed from her loud crying. As soon as she nurses, she is fine and back to sleep (in most cases). Last night she must of been teething because she refused to go to sleep and cried it out for at least an hour it seems. I do have issues with the crying it out. Sunny gets so stressed and upset and refuses to let up. If I ignore her, she only screams louder and louder. My doc gave me some suggestions and some books on sleep training. I know the nursing when she wakes up has got to stop. It is just a real hard thing to do. I don't like the guilt I feel when I allow her to cry it out, and when she does see me, soothing her in her crib doesn't help. She only gets more upset at my presence and begs for me to pick her up. Nursing is exhausting, especially all night. Newborns nurse all night, but not a 10 month old. I wake up so tired and fatigue from the nursing, and my calories are depleted. I can't wait to be done with nursing. One more month and I hope to quit. Since Sunny has become more active, she also is refusing more naps, which means I have not had much done. So with the lack of sleep, I have been having issues of my own. The nice thing is that it's getting warmer outside which means more time at the park, less time at the mall. I also am excited to meet other mom's in the ward and having play-dates. I need the socialization in my life. We are planning on going skating this weekend. Strollers are allowed on the rink so we'll see how that goes. Also, swimming at the indoor pool is also a plan in store for the next upcoming month. Anyway, that is all for now. Laundry, dishes and other chores are waiting for me. Hope all is well with everyone!

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

10 months old and WALKING!

Sunny began walking at nine and a half months. Early? Uh ya. I am so proud of her though. She is so cute and has developed such a personality. We bought her some cute sneakers and she looks so grown up. I took her to church on Sunday and in RS everyone who passed her kind of paused. For one, she is a very tiny, petite 10 month old and to see a baby that small walking looks a little wierd. Everyone asked how old she was and I told them and then they just were wowed at her walking skills. She is not into eating any table foods yet, so she still eats by spoon and me or dad feeding her. She eats all meats, veggies and sweet potato for carb, and fruits and only cereal in the morning. I think I have started her a little on paleo, but I will not tell her dad that. One of the things I am battling now is whether I should get her vaccines or not. She has not had any vaccines since 2 months old and then I was not too educated. You all know how controversal vaccines are. You have all heard the controversy of whether vaccines cause autism (there are so many people who really believe they do) and you hear about all the poisons and preservatives they put in vaccines. Well, I am torn on what to do. My mom's chiropractor, a holistic man, really informed me about how awful vaccines are. I am not sure what to do. Everytime I get close to taking her in for her shots, my instincts tell me NO. And then I end up canceling her appointment. Why is it so hard to make up my mind. Perhaps I should listen to my gut and not get her vaccinated yet. I do know that waiting until they are older gives them a chance to build up an immunity to them. 2 months of age for vaccines is just too young. There immune system is too under-developed to take all that. Anyway, I am suprised I was able to type this much. Sunny is fussing and can't stand me taking attention away from her. Sorry if this post makes no sense or if their are too many typos. I gotta go like right NOW. phew!!!

Monday, March 17, 2014

Sensory Tub

How do I entertain a 10 month old all day? It is a tricky age. Too young for some things and too old for others. Everything is in the mouth still and you can not really reason with them yet. I did a little reasearch and came up with the idea of a sensory box. Different textures are a hit at this age and objects are large enough to be anti- choking hazzards. Household items include cotton balls, shredded paper, kleenex or paper towels, large caps, blocks, forks and spoons, soft and hard balls, pacifiers, fabric scraps, granola bars still in package, ice cubes for cold sensation feeling And much more I can think of. Other strange objects can be introduced later. Another idea is finger painting with chocolate pudding. I am not sure the clean freak in me is ready for the mess. So, a few ideas on how to to entertain a 10 month old. Hope this helps! UPDATE: I put together random household objects including paper, bottles and cottonballs and she really went to town for a good half hour. I think one could easily rotate items from time to time to boost curiosity. These tubs are great for tactile stimulation, texture differences and fine moter skills. Most household items around the house can be used as long as they are larger safe objects and adult supervision is always important. I have heard if tubs of oatmeal, colored rice, and cheerios is also great for exploring textures. Not into food waste, but sure love the entertainment it provides.

Tasty!

Tasty!
Mango Salsa (see January archive on right for recipe)