When Change Is Needed

I love this little blog of mine. It has been the place for me to share, inspire, record, reminisce, vent, and reflect. It has been a reserved blog, never going far due to certain factors, but it has been open to anyone who wants to read or just get an occasional recipe.  If you are one of my readers, THANK YOU! It means so much to me.

A few weeks ago, I felt I needed something to happen. I decided to talk to my husband about it. I knew it was something I wanted for a long time. Something that I needed for me to be a better mother, better person. I decided that I needed a break from all things internet. No more social media, no more online shopping, no more recipe blogs or fashion blogs or any other blog. The internet is a powerful connector, it has done amazing things for people. However, I felt the need to "unplug" and be present here and now with what matters.  I want to be present with real people, not online people. I want to be present with my children and learn through tangible books, rather then online articles.

My break started a few weeks ago and I have no access to internet in my home.

I  am not sure how long this break will be, but for now, it feels right.  I feel lighter and better and I know when I start using internet again and return to this blog, I will be ready. The time will be right. For now, I feel I am doing my kids a favor. I am spending time with them instead of reading some yahoo article or KSL news which is such a huge distraction. I am doing my kids a huge favor.

I know I have been on and off like a switch this past year. I joined instagram and then quit, I stopped blogging for awhile then came back, and I waxed poetic over and over about how I would stop or at least limit my use of internet.  After short breaks and then returning, I decided I needed something permanent so no temptation could grab me. This time around, the temptation can't happen. There is no internet for me to use.  It is gone. I am not perplexed about it.

So, again, thank you for joining me on this blog. I do not know when I will return, but in the meantime, I will be taking pictures, I will be spending time outside with my children and I will be living life how I always envisioned it.....uncomplicated and free, in the moment rather then lost in some other world, and the mother who is watching her children at play rather then be lost in my phone. I can't change others, but I can change myself and this new change has brought on a new happiness I haven't felt in years.



Earthing is wearing no shoes and touching the earth with your bare feet.

That is something I feel strongly about. Although I prefer sunny wear shoes outside, I know if she refuses, it won't be a big deal. Just lots of baths and dirty feet.
Sunny loves playing in the dirt. As long as it's not in her hair, I am cool with it. We got her sandbox set up and hopefully that will keep her out of the garden.

Today I picked up this stuff called fluff. It is feather light and white. It looks like snow. Sunny had a blast with it. I did not have a blast cleaning it up.

Pictures of her outside in the dirt. I think we are practically living outside with the awesome weather.  I love it.


Sunny does Chores

Yes, it's true. My little one is doing chores for me. Hooray!  Today she helped put silverware away with no help from me. She had fun. This is the age where they like to help.

One day when she is a teen and no longer likes doing chores, I will show her these pictures .

So ever since Addy was born (for reference,  I am too lazy to write her entire name out, but we do not plan to call her "Addy") I have had the worse sweet tooth.  I can't stay away from the sweets. I can't even gain weight. If I don't have sweets, I crave them, which leads me to going to get them. Before Addy, I did not have a sweet tooth very much.

I've been thinking alot about going further with this blog. Every time I get serious about it, I stop myself.  I just don't feel I can get ahead without a good camera and some good footage.  However I feel overwhelmed at the idea of how to take quality pictures,  edit them, make them top notch and get people interested. It seems mind boggling. And do I have the time? Nope. Toddler doesn't nap ever and baby is a night owl. Okay, forget I even mentioned my blogging goals. Never mind.

Today was fun. Stopped into the nursery,  got my favorite house plants that seem to survive no matter what, got Sunny some flowers for outside,  headed to town for errands, home, dinner and now heading to bed.

My Top Favorite Photos Round Up

I have some really great photos and some pretty poor quality ones too. I have not developed any of these photos. I need to get on it. Here are my top favorites since Addy was born,  in no particular order.

This last one was of Addy's baby blessing. Sunny was too busy playing to get in the photo with us. I realize how much Addy has changed looking through these pictures. And the one of me pregnant,  I just want to cry. I miss and love pregnancy so much.

I love being able to capture moments. Even though I have hundreds of photos stored, I love constantly taking more. Memories can fade, but photos recapture those memories.


Making Dreams Into A Reality

I remember when I was 29 and still unmarried thinking it may not ever happen. I can be quite pessimistic and at the time I was. I dated a lot but didn't find that spark.  I remember one particular night feeling more hopeless about ever finding Mr. Right then I ever had.

I ended up meeting Rodney exactly 3 weeks later, getting engaged less then 2 months later, and married 2 months after that.

If anyone ever told me it would happen,  I would of laughed.  Life has a way of surprising you and working out for the best. Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us on his own timetable.

Paying tithing and fast offering has always. Been important to us in our marriage.  One of the traits I have always admired in Rodney is his strong desire to give. Whether it be to tithing, charity, or through service, Rodney is extremely dedicated.  He has been the example to me.

Another trait I admire about Rodney is his diligence at applying the prophets council into his own life.
Rodney has never used a credit card. He had zero debt when we were married.  He always worked hard and was able to pay for school himself. Almost 8 years into our marriage,  he still has never touched a credit card.

My dream was to live a debt free marriage and I am so proud to say that it's a reality for us.  I know i sound like a broken record because I mention this occassionally, but i want my kids who will read this ssomeday to follow in our footsteps.
 Sure there are temptations. Once in awhile we talk about how nice it would be to have a brand new spacious vehicle for our family, but then we disregard the idea because having no debt feels better then a car payment would.

We do face tempation often. We see nice things others have, but we decided we prefer to live minimal. In other words, we like increasing our savings account rather then spend it.  We decided one vacation a year was plenty.

I am so grateful for a man who teaches me through example.  This really is my dream turned reality.

In other news, today was rather chilly so we missed our nature walk.  But we did see friends at the gym and got our social fix today.

We also made homemade chocolate chip cookies and Applesauce, raisin and carrot muffins. Sunny loves to bake.

I cannot find my Easter decor stuff anywhere. Where on earth did I put it.?AAARG.  While looking, we found some tinkertoys and Sunny was able to build a ferris wheel with her dad.

And here is a picture from today. It was too windy so we didn't walk far.


New Cut

So, I said I would continue on from last post about my mom's reaction to my question. I will get to it, I promise, but not today.

Today I am a bit sad over something that happened. It's silly,  but I just can't get over it.

Since we got our amazing stroller,  we have been out walking non stop everyday. I feel unbelievably tired.

Today sunny was out playing in the backyard while I did some chores.
I came out to check on her only to find she had put dirt in her hair.  Tons of it! It was all embedded in her scalp and her tresses were dark and really dirty looking.
My reaction wasn't good. I was MAD, no question about it. The stupid cleanaphobic woman I am could not bare to think about that dirty hair coming in my house. The house I just have to keep spotless.

I grabbed the stroller,  the baby, my bag and water and got the kids buckled in, and we were off.
I felt so angry. But why? It's only dirt. We headed to the Red Barn to get some beef for soup and some candy.  Then we headed up the sidewalk.

I decided the only way to handle my frustration about Sunny's dirty hair was to get her a hair cut. I would let someone else deal with it. Hey, maybe they would even wash it.

There was an hour wait. We walked for an hour more. We came back and this extremely grumpy lady hauled Sunny up to give her a haircut. The lady was becoming more unkind at the minute.

I overheard some of the employees saying she was pissed off because she hadn't had a break yet. She no doubt took her frustrations out on Sunny. Sunny was so well behaved. She sat like a big girl while the grumpy lady jerked her around, far from being gentle.

She gave Sunny directions as if she were an adult, not a 3 year old.  I held Adelaide,  tears welling up. I felt like the shitiest mom ever!
As I am writing this, I still feel upset at my actions today.  I could of handled myself better. Sunny is such a sweet little girl. It was only dirt. I had no right to be so mad at her.
Maybe I was a tad overwhelmed by other things and took my frustrations out on Sunny, the way the hairdresser did too.
Tomorrow I will make it up to her.  Her haircut is super cute though.  She loves it and so do I. Everything turned out great in the end.

       Addy is just glad we finally made it home.


Power of the Mind

One goal I continue to set for myself but fail at meeting so many times is not allowing others words and actions to affect me. This is the hardest goal for me to reach.  I am a huge reactor.  But, who isn't.

There is one person who continues to bring me down over and over to the point of no end.  This person is my mom.

Today started out great until my mom called and said some negative words to me that just about ruined my whole day. I woke up happy and then turned sad, angry, questioning of why, why, why does my mom ALWAYS bring me down. From the time I was young, my mom has had this power over me to get to me like nobody could, or would.
A few weeks ago, I asked my mom the question. The question I have been wanting to ask for years, but never could. It went something like this, "Why Are You So Cold?" Cold as in temperament.

The way she reacted shocked me. I would love to write more but we got a doc appt right now. I will do a continuation of this post at a later time.


Mango Salsa (see January archive on right for recipe)