Sunny has a dairy intolerance.  Could even be an allergy.  I don't know, she has not been tested.
What I do know is that all last year she was sick with cold after cold. Lots of phlegm and congestion. I thought it was a virus each time.
Two weeks ago, she got a runny nose. I got he off a milk products and she was immediately better.
Her temperament is better too. She is getting really mature and obedient lately.  Don't know if she is just maturing or feeling good. For now I am going to limit her dairy. I have seen a huge change already.

Weening from Nursing During Day

Today I decided today would be the day to ween Adelaide from nursing.  I know I can't just stop cold turkey and so I will only nurse at night.  So far I am on day 2 doing this method.  The first two days it was hard on her. She would cry to nurse and wouldn't take a bottle with formula.  Tonight, she is getting in the groove of things and accepting the new routine at bit better.  Time will tell with this.

I know it's early to stop nursing as Addie is only 4 months next week, but I know what can happen. I went through the exact same thing with Sunny and it lasted until she was 2.5 years old. We are not in a pioneer age and that is a bit too old to nurse.

Addie has almost the same personality as Sunny did. Sunny was colicy, never slept well and was fidgety and acted uncomfortable all the time. However, she did have skin ulcers that were painful and she had to be on medication for them, however after they disapeared and left huge scars, she was still colicy.
The only other difference with Sunny and Addie is Sunny didn't spit up after a month old and Addie spits up all the time, a symptom of acid reflux.

With two very stubborn personalities when it comes to nursing and choosing to fall asleep only when nursing, I decided I needed to break this habit or I would be in for a long haul nightmare with my little Addie. I am determined to not let it happen this time if it kills me.

Today has been rough. My house duties are neglected because Addie wants to nurse to sleep and be held other times. Mary even let me borrow her Ergo carrier and that did nothing. She hates it.

Sunny is currently in her room now with the stopwatch method going and on and it's working beautifully. Addie finally went to sleep after hours of crying in frustration that she couldn't nurse to sleep. She kept looking at me as if it say, "Why mommy aren't you nursing me to sleep, I don't understand."  It's hardbreaking, but for my own well being, I have to do this.

Addie is currently on Kirkland Formula from Costco. She does well with it so far.......

As much as I hate spending money on formula when I am perfectly capeable of producing milk on my own, I feel there are other reasons I must ween her now. I do feel a bit selfish for weening her but I feel I need to do this for these reasons.

My health.  Nursing is so hard on my body. I don't know if others are in the same boat as me, but not only do I lose a ton of weight, but I get sick all the time and get very dehydrated. I also seem to feel depleted and more anxious when I nurse and am sleep deprived. I am sure other's pick up on my anxious personality.

I swear my milk is like skim milk. Sunny was never satisfied and wanted to eat all day long and Addie is the same.  This leaves me sitting for long stretches and when I do put Addie down, she wakes up again hungry. Formula doesn't do that.

I can't eat what I want to eat when I nurse. I know that sounds selfish, but I LOVE spicy food. I believe in it and I don't get as many colds when I eat hot peppers. I am known to sprinkle pepper flakes, salsa, or Tobasco sauce on just about everything savory,  I also love chocolate and I can't eat that when I nurse either.

There are hundreds of other reasons why I want to quit. I remind myself that I nursed Sunny for 2 1/2 years and I was amazing at that. This time around, I really need to focus on me and getting my health back on track.

My plan is to be done with nightime nursing by the time Addie is 6 months. I don't know if it will be successful, but if the nighttime nursing lasts up to the year, I am okay with that too. I will update periodically to update on how it's going.


New Schedule

Awhile back I posted my schedule.  I love it but I realized there are days we will not be going to gym or daycare. I did buy a year membership to gym and I paid for Sunny to go to daycare every single day. However, I decider the gym would be every day at night, but only 3 times a week in morning.

This works great for Rodney's schedule to study and have a quiet house while we are gone for his tests. Also, Sunny is able to play with Eve and Abe at daycare so she is always excited over that.

I have had people ask me why i am so devoted to gym.  They say I am so skinny, i dont need it.  When I go to gym, I hardly ever work out,  not hardcore anyway.  My main drive is for Sunny and Rodney.  Rodney needs to study and take tests, Sunny needs to see her friends at daycare and it doesn't hurt that I see mine there too. Usually my friend is there and we will chill on the couch, nurse and talk about kids while we wait.

If I do exercise it's usually yoga,  walking the track or doing the bike or treadmill while watching a good movie, usually lifetime.

I decided this because mornings can be hectic and I want to stick to this new routine I came up with.

I was becoming very frustrated over no nap time. I felt I was loosing control and that Sunny was running the household. This left me feeling anxious and tired.  I knew something had to change.

One day I was pondering ideas when it occurred to me that I should use a stop watch. I ran to store and bought one for a few dollars. I then asked Sunny to go to her room for afternoon nap time. Whether she napped or not was up to her. The point was that she would have quiet time in her room for 45 minutes until the stop watch right ringed. If she fell asleep, that would be a different story and I would remove the watch from her room.

So far this is working better then I imagine ed. I dont know how long this will last or be successful, but for now i am over joyed. Sunny loves this strategy and has relaxed enough to fall asleep a few times. I am also thinking of playing relaxing music while she is laying in her bed or playing with her animals.

Why I didn't think of this sooner, I don't know.

A few weeks ago we got a primary CD at our door and we have been playing it everyday. It brings the spirit into our home and Sunny responds well to music.  TV wires her and we are not having it on hardly ever now.

While music plays, Sunny plays on kitchen floor, usually play dough, white board or watercolor. She also loves her magnetic paper dolls that she can dress with different outfits, shoes, etc.
 She is cleaning up after herself so well.

Adelaide is getting better. Her toe is healing and I am constantly watching out for hair or other odd things that can be a future issue.

She is scooting now and rolling over. I think she will be all over the floor soon.


What I Considered Hard Is Now Nothing

What a day!  Home from the ER now. Look at this toe.
Today started out a nice Sunday. Except Sunny has a little sinus congestion so I had her stay home. I got ready for church and asked Rodney if it was okay that I did Sacrament and he do Priesthood. He said it would be great so I headed out and planned to return home in an hour or so. When one of our kids is sick, we split things up that way so we both have the opportunity to attend church.

After Sacrament meeting, I headed home. Rodney had a headache and had a huge homework assignment to finish so he said he wouldn't make it. I told him I would take Adelaide with me so Sunny could watch a show quietly while she rested and Rodney finish his class.

Rodney, btw, is set to graduate this year so he is really working hard to accelerate and get done so he can start his MBA next year. That means I have been taking the kids out of the house more so he can get his study sessions done in peace without distractions from Sunny or the baby. *Yesterday was stressful taking both kids to Target for the first time together,  and spending more time then I would like nursing Addie in the men's handicap dressing room. Gotta nurse in privacy and go to what's available.*

Anyway, I took addie so rod could study. She was not dressed for church, and I quickly changed into a nursing outfit.

At church, addie was not acting herself. She is c olicy when it comes to always wanting to be held, but this was different. She wouldn't nurse or calm down. I thought she was just having tummy problems.

Went to choir practice after church to give Rodney more time to study. Addie was still crying. Called Rodney to check in and he said Sunny was demanding his attention, so I picked Sunny up and told Rodney he could study for a few more hours while we went to my mom's for dinner. Addie got worse. I took her nightgown off but never looked at her toes. We went home about 6 pm and about 6:30, she was on my lap crying when I finally noticed her toe.
I gasped and called to Rodney for help. He grabbed his flashlight and tried to figure out what was wrapped around her toe so tight. I thought she was maybe bit by a poisonous spider. Addie was hysterical,  crying harder and louder. I figured taking her to instances would be a long wait so I called 911. They came immediately and advised us to take her to instacare.  We did that and they asked us to take her to ER.

After 4 hours of waiting, the doc finally looked at it and thought it was fine hair wrapped around her toe very tightly. He grabbed his scalpel and dug into her skin. I watched blood pour out and couldn't watch. My baby was screaming,  clenching her fists in pain. We aren't 100% sure he got the hair or if hair is even the culprit,  so she will go back tomorrow if no improvement.

I feel so bad as a mother. I feel I have been so wrapped up in daily tasks that I failed in someway.  Tonight I gained a new perspective on motherhood and life in general.

It's true I have focused on so much of the negative in my life. Complaint after complaint about this and that. None of it matters. Tonight I felt a fear that was not familiar to me, not since Sunny was an infant. Watching my helpless baby go through pain. Real Pain, and feeling helpless with her.

The fear I felt tonight made me realize that all else that's a challenge in my mothering duties is all very minor.

I realized I needed to start focusing on the positive and ditching the negative, even if venting to friends or family does somehow take a load off me, nobody needs to hear negativity.

With an antibiotic gently inserted into her mouth, I watched Adelaide suck and swallow it down, and then she fell asleep.

I hold her in my arms and kiss her softly,  thinking about how much I love her,  how much I love Sunny and Rodney.

The monotonous day to day tasks of motherhood and raising my babies will never be taken for granted again. Life is too short, feels sometimes too long, but this is my life and I am learning to enjoy the ride.


Mango Salsa (see January archive on right for recipe)