10 New Fall Goals

Okay, it's not fall yet, but the air, it's feeling a little crisp lately. I can feel it. I am excited.

I like to set goals. I don't reach many of them. But, I still like to set them. Yesterday, I wrote a post about my newborn fears and how affirmations and prayer can strengthen me.  Here are 10 more goals I am striving to work on now.

1. Read or listen to scriptures at least 10 minutes a day.
I am doing very well with this. I actually listen to my scriptures on audio and usually lay there, paint my nails, or fold laundry.  Best thing ever.

2. Attend temple. This one is hard. I can't get anyone to babysit. Seriously frustrating when we both yearn for the temple so bad. Rodney and I haven't been on a temple or date in years I think.

3. Stop cursing. Yes, I admitted to something nobody would expect from me. Damn, hell, ass and shit are so ladylike Amy!!

4. E xcersise 3-4 times a week.
I am doing great at this one, I just can't stop after I get huge or post partum. No excuses.

5. Cut down on sugar. Seriously, this is so hard. Sometimes it feels impossible.

6. Finish all my crochet projects. I have a problem with starting then stopping.

7. Put my device away. No internet except on weekends, except to blog. If I do use internet, only 10 minutes allowed a day.
This goal I do well on.

8. Have dinner ready at same time each week night. By being consistant, I can make it to gym at set time, sunny gets her playtime and Rodney gets study time.

9.  Get visiting teaching done at first of month, not last day. I LOVE visiting people. I love looking at how people decorate their homes. I love when my VT's come to see me.

10. Read 3 or more books a month. So far, I have two left to go.

So, there are my 10 goals. I have much more, but I think starting with 10 for now is best.

Pray For Faith Not Fear, Strength Can Replace Weakness.

Today at church I saw a beautiful newborn baby girl that was just born a week ago.  I sat in the lounge talking with her mother as she sat and nursed her baby. I haven't been around a newborn for a long time. They are cute, cuddly and smell so good.

She let out a loud cry as she had her diaper changed. Her mother reminded me about how much newborns have to be changed and how much they eat and sometimes, depending on the baby, how much they cry. I held her for a brief moment as she cried.  Part of me just wanted to hand her back to her mom. As sweet as she was, I just felt overwhelmed of what is to come.

I begin to feel a sense of fear. When I got home, I told Rodney that being around a newborn today brought some feelings back. I began to doubt my abilities. I shared with him how my days with Sunny as a newborn, although a huge blur at times, suddenly came back to me. I remembered all of it.  The non-stop months and months of crying from Sunny's colic, and my extreme depressive state from lack of sleep, lack of "me" time and overall nursing fatigue left me defeated.

I know some babies are much easier then others. I have babysat some of the most mild mellow babies anyone has ever seen, having me dream of having 10 of them.

 Crying and loud noises make me very uncomfortable and the thought of going through it again with this baby has made me feel less at ease about the "unknown." There are days I can barely handle Sunny. Let's face it.  In a previous post, I mentioned how over-stimulated my mind is due to new advances in her non-stop speaking skills, in addition to her never sleeping, waking up, and being extremely hard to discipline at times. The kid is just a handful sometimes, but she is my whole life. I love her to the moon and back.

I know there is a time and season for everything.  Someday, the kids will be in school and my heart will hurt for them, wanting them with me. Every time I complain about dumb little things, I want to slap myself and remind myself to stop sweating the small stuff. JUST BE THANKFUL and strive to improve the next day. Everyday is fresh, a new start.

Affirmations to myself can help. I can do this. I have learned not to judge others. Everyone is fighting their own battle and there are pieces of other's life we have no idea even exist. If more people opened up about their struggles,fears, trials,  a larger support system offering healing and self-awareness could take place amongst so many people out there.

Rodney offered a peice of advice that soothed my inner soul today and really lessened some of my fears of that unknown. He said to pray. Just pray. The Lord can help me through any trial and he can help me become stronger then I realize.

33 Weeks

I haven't taken any maternity pictures of myself with this baby. Shame on me. Everytime I think about doing it, it never happens. I just can't seem to get myself organized, made up or even put makeup on. But next week, I am determined to get some done and then I will share.

Here I am with Sunny at the exact time I am with this baby now.  It seems like yesterday. Pregnancy with Sunny was a breeze. I felt so good. I can't say this time around I feel the same way, but hey, nothing is expected to be the same. Sunny was a very fussy baby. Maybe this one will be mellow. She is having a huge dance party right now, keeping me up. I do love it, especially those hiccups.

I was definately smaller. They say you are bigger each subsequential pregnancy and that is true.

I am so hungry all the time too. I crave nothing but bread all the time. Ohhhhh, a slice of crusty artisan bread or a sour dough bread bowl filled with my favorite soup. I just dream of the savory.

As far as how I feel comfortable wise. Well, she has dropped it seems and is always right on my bladder, making me pee about every 10 minutes. The pressure is not the best feeling. I know with Sunny I had the exact same thing going on, but experienced it about 37 weeks instead. She had dropped so low I couldn't even be checked for dilation without being sedated in the hospital. It was that bad. This time around, I have a feeling I might just tick off those nurses once and again who insist they need to check me and I am fighting them. It's my body for crying out loud. Do as I say!

Here is a little update on Sunny.  She is still fully potty-trained. talking very fast, and stopped taking naps. After two consecutive naps in one week last month, I got a little excited and felt she had changed. But, no naps. I just got to accept it.  She starts pre-school this week and will be gone 6 hours a week. I am so nervous, anxious, and excited about it.

I hope we're off to a great school year!

Slow Cooker Beans & Rice With Sausage

Several months ago, Rodney and I became dept free. Afterwards, we came up with a plan and made a budget for our family that we could hang on the wall and see at all times.  Since we are big on investments for our future, we knew a lot of money would be going towards that, plus our fixer upper house.  With me being a stay at home mom, we knew additional sacrifices would need to come into play with our food budget.  Budgeting is not the easiest practice for me, but with said list we came up with, it has been a huge reminder that our food budget needs to stay within a certain amount each month. We decided between 70-80 dollars a week sounded good and so far, it has worked well.  I actually thought that was going to be impossible, but with careful menu planning, it has been easier then I thought.

When planning out weekly menus and avoiding eating out as much as possible, I found that our biggest and cheapest staples are potatoes, rice, beans, flour, and tortillas.  We tend to buy in bulk to save money and find that by doing so, our food budget stays right on point.

Rodney served his mission in Florida and was exposed to a lot of Cuban food. Cuban food which is similiar to Brazillian food, is centered around a lot of rice and beans.  I have no problem with rice as I ate a lot of it when I lived in Hawaii for a year.  We prefer jasmine white rice over brown rice anyday and find it's one of the most versatille foods to work with.

 I have so many recipes I want to share, but I will start with this one.

Served alongside steamed brocolli or a crisp salad, this meal is one of our favorites. Not only delicious in every aspect, but toddlers seem to like beans.  If you have a very picky toddler as I do, try introducing beans to them.

Slow Cooker Beans & Rice W/Sausage

• 1 cup diced yellow or white onion
• 1 medium green bell pepper, diced
• 4 (15-ounces each) cans kidney beans, undrained
• 1 teaspoon coarse kosher salt
• 2 teaspoons coarse or freshly cracked black pepper (see note above)
• 2 bay leaves
• 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
• 2-3 cloves garlic, finely minced
• 1 1/2 pounds kielbasa or chicken sausage, sliced 
• Hot, cooked brown rice, white rice or quinoa for serving
• 
  

DIRECTIONS

1. Combine all the ingredients except the kielbasa/sausage in a medium slow cooker and give it a good stir. Cook on high for 4-5 hours or on low for 7-8 hours. Add the sausage and cook until warmed through (anywhere from 20 minutes to another hour).
2. Add additional salt to taste before serving. Serve over hot, cooked rice (white or brown) or quinoa.

recipe source Melskitchencafe.com

Live & Learn & How I Cope With A Challenge

One thing I have not been ready for is Sunny's rapidly growing vocabulary. Literally, overnight, she was talking using almost every vocabulary word known to man.  It must of taken off after she turned 3 because before that, I felt I had a lot more sanity then I do now.

What is so difficult about her talking all the time now is my brain just can't keep up with all her questions, all her statements, and how much she describes, notices and analyzes.

I am going to be completely honest, my brain feels fried with the over-stimulation it's getting.

Not that I am NOT grateful that she can communicate and express herself so well, because I am. I know there are kids out there who struggle everyday trying to express themselves, but can't.  As a special education teacher, I know. I have worked with kids like that.

                 Her newest saying is "duh"

However, I LOVE a happy medium in all things. I prefer quiet over noise any day!  Nonstop talking gives me a headache. I am usually the one who needs to place myself in time out when I am overwhelmed by too much stimuli.

Sunny notices everything about her surroundings. She is extremely intelligent.  She has a large vocabulary I didn't think was possible for a 3 year old, her memory is phenomenal. She is her dad's daughter in every shape and form.  I knew there would be a chance she would inherit his genius, but I had no idea that after she turned 3, it would spiral out of control.  I'm not ready, I'm just not!

                                                           Life as a toddler must be hard.

 Before Sunny was 3, she didn't have the best vocabulary, she didn't talk in full sentences all the time, and she didn't suprise me everyday with a newfound intelligence.  Things are different now.  I just can't keep up. Here are examples:

1.  Sunny notices anything different and will question you about anything that is out of routine.  For example, she will question why I am turning left instead of right when I need to go to Natural Grocers.  If I tell her I am taking a different route, she will question why and want to know every detail of why I am out of routine.

2.  If she is watching a show, she will ask how many episodes are in a season.  I will tell her I don't know and she will plead with me to find out before her show starts.

3.  She remembers every single person's name, and extra fine details about them.

4. She will question why I am doing something all the time. Why am I cleaning that, Why did I choose to make this for dinner and not that, what I plan to do after the sun goes down at night.  Why I don't ever look in the telescope when there is a full moon or mars lurking out from the clouds.  Why Mommy, why, why, why.......

And then there is trying to reason with her. I swear she turned into a tween overnight.  Trying to explain to her she can't do something often ends with, "Just leave me alone, or "Get out of my room" or I wan't daddy, not you!"

Her strong personality is a lot to take in. Someday's I honestly feel trapped. I had no idea it would be like this.

These are just a few examples of what I am just not ready for.  I need to be prepared to come up with an answer at all times. I need to have an explanation for everything. I need to be able to see the world as she does.

I am not a fast learner. I am not the brightest person, and sometimes it takes me a long time to figure things out or just comprehend anything very quickly.  It's my biggest frustration. My brain doesn't function like someone else's might.
 I was intimidated for years by Rodney's intelligence, his ever expanding vocabulary, and his knowledge of everything in this world. Stuff I had no clue about.  Now I am embracing myself to be able to raise Rodney's "mini me " and I am trying to figure out how to prepare my mind to handle it.

 To nobody's surprise, Sunny and Rodney both talk a lot. Not that it's bad, but as I said before, my brain is wired in a way that I need that happy medium of soft, quiet, serene vs. loud and talkative.

What is my coping mechanism?  Well, I am still working on it. Sometimes it's just leaving the house alone. Going to the gym or yoga.  Other times, it is locking myself in the bedroom, listening to my scriptures or reading a great book. I love to curl up and read a great book.

In the winter time, I will take a hot bath. But not in this heat.

I find these things help my brain calm down, my mind relax, and frustrations exiting my body.

Now to change the topic,  I wanted to also to put a reminder to myself of what never to buy again.

1. sidewalk chalk.  This stuff has ruined more furniture, clothes, doors, paint job, rugs, etc, then I can describe.  The stuff does not come out, no matter how hard I scrub.  I babysat this little boy once and he played with the chalk and then came inside and rubbed his body all over my white rug.  To this day, it has hues of pink in there. I have tried everything to remove it.

2. Lego's. When is too much to much. Sunny has so many legos. I have stepped and injured myself on far too many to count.  They are a hassle to clean up and they get lost.

3. Playdough.  It dries up. It's a waste of money when your kids don't clean up after themselves and mom can't even remember to put detergent in the wash on top of remembering to clean up playdough.

4. Toys with small parts. Again, waste of money, they get lost.

5. inflatable swimming pools. They get holes in them everytime. Waste of money.

As much as spending money depresses me, thinking about wasting money is even harder to cope with.  With kids, I am learning that mother's are in a constant live & learn phase.  With every mistake we make, there is always time to reflect on that mistake and make changes., Writing things down, or keeping a blog such as this, are always great ways to remind ourselves of improvements we can make.

How To Survive The Summer With A Toddler And Tracy Family Updates

It's August, Hooray! Taking a little bit of a break from blogging has been nice. I have also toned down on my technology this summer, excluding signing up for instagram which was not a good idea, but my other post below explains all that.

I have never been fond of summertime. Even as a kid, I detested it.  I would rather be in school anyday then be hot, bored, etc.  Come fall, it's a huge refresher. The air is crisp and cool and I feel the need to be outside like a lot.

This summer, I have been so much more hot then usual. And I don't mean sexy hot, I mean miserable, sticky, slimy, just plain get me out of this oven feeling-hot.

Our swamp cooler is wonderful. It does it's job, but when it's humid of triple digits, the swamp has it's problems.

I remember my first job, at 15. I was a maid for the summer. I worked at an outdoor hotel and none of the rooms had air-conditioner until guests checked in. I remember how I could take the heat so much better back then. I continued to be a maid on weekends and every summer until senior year. I also had no air conditioner in my car, so imagine what that was like.  It's times like now when I feel I am baking in my own skin, I remember those summers as a teen. If I could endure it back then, I certainly could now.

I notice a lot of behavioral problems with toddlers this time of year. It seems everywhere I go, a 2 or 3 year old is throwing a huge tantrum out in public. Their mom's seem more aggravated  too.  While sitting there, scratching my head, it suddenly occurred to me.  The heat affects us all.  The reason is because almost all outdoor activities are excluded, leaving more kids at home, more mom's at home, and less of them less then eager to deal with transporting children in and out of a hot car. I do not blame any of them. I am in the exact same boat. The heat affects our motivation to do just about anything.

One thing I have found that is such a huge lifesaver this summer is the pool.  I have never been one to enjoy the pool, but this summer, I made a vow to try to go every single day.  So far, we have gone so much and I find Sunny so much happier as well as myself.  Aside from a few bullies Sunny comes across there, the pool really is great for the mind, body, and soul.
snow cones in this heat, yes please.

I have also found playdates to be a huge lifesaver.  Whether I go with a friend to the pool or I invite a friend over for play, Sunny has more fun with friends.

Indoor picnic with chicken nuggets and Bqq  sauce.

I have also been a little tempted to turn the TV on when I am desperate for a break, but summer and TV are a bad combo for kids and I have limited it big time.

Really, those are the two main activities we engage in this summer.  I am not too keen on driving into town or going to parks for picnics in this heat, so having to drive less then a few blocks has been wonderful.

Some other changes around here have been rather exciting.  A little over a week ago, after a ton of accidents and stubbornness, Sunny is finally potty-trained. I don't know what clicked, but she runs to her potty every single time and has had no accidents.

                         Ready for church.

Sunny is also taking naps for the first time in like forever. She will require I lay next to her in my bed and then make a big fort with my sheets, and then nest a bit until she falls a sleep, all while twirling her hair which is her soother.

I am more then pleased with those changes.

Sunny starts pre-school in two weeks! I am so excited. Hmmm, what am I going to do with myself during that time.

As far as updates on our fixer upper house. We got our fireplace done. I decided to paint it white since I had leftover paint from the house anyway, and  It looks fabulous!  We also did tiling around the fireplace and did a hardwood floor look. I love it. Now we just have to get a fireplace insert so we can prepare for winter.

There is still so much more to do on our house. The list is slowly, but surely getting checked off though.

We have harvested tomatoes, watermelon, peppers, a few delicate carrots and some strawberries this summer.  We found our PH must be off in our soil because our sod has struggled as well as our crops.  We are in the process of turning that PH around to reduce the alkaline this fall. I hope our grass seed makes it this time for front yard.

Oh, I can't forget. They released me from primary. I never asked to be released, but the kindest president said she knew I was prego and I would probably need a break, and plus, a kind new sister really wanted to be in the primary, so she replaced me.  I have been in the primary/nursery for a long time and it will be nice to have a change. But I do miss those kids!

So, there is a tiny bit of update around here. I don't have much to talk about and I am so anxious to just get this summer out of here.  Hope all you have had a nice summer and are excited for fall too!!

Instagram, Goodbye!

So, I wasn't going to return to my blog until August or until school started, and I also planned to reduce or even limit my use of technology this summer. But, do I ever stick to goals? Not really.
I wanted to write a little update about my thoughts on instagram while still fresh in my mind.

I told myself I was never going to be a social media person. I said no to facebook for years, until finally joining, I said no to instagram until someone talked me into it.

I am easily persuaded by people, so I decided, why not.

Let me say this now, while pregnant, I am super duper emotional. Anything can tear me up. I am not normally that way. Pregnancy gets to my last nerve and the best way to sum up how I feel most during this time is I just crave a lot of caring people.  Normally I don't, but right now, I just want to feel someone cares, anyone! Is that a pregnancy thing or what, haha!

As I lay on the couch just crying my eyes out that nobody on instagram wants to to give me a chance, my visiting teaching pulled up. I opened the door with my eyes all puffy and teary. She asked if I was okay, I said, yes.  Again, normally, this kind of thing would not get to me so quick. I only gave instagram a chance for 3 days before calling it quits. I am such a quitter, I know!

I realize this is so immature for me to behave this way. My gosh, this isn't high school anymore. I know my ridiculously sensitive pregnancy hormones don't help right now.

One of my sisters had a birthday last month. I decided to do something extra special for her, so I made her a cake and frosting from scratch. Sunny and I spent a good portion of the afternoon prepping for this cake. My mom finally got ahold of her. She picked my mom up and took her to a big birthday celebration that her kids threw for her.  My mom told my sister that the cake i made for her was at the house and to come try some when the party was over. My sister never showed up, she never tried my cake I made for her, she never told me thank you. She ignored me. It got to me so hard that I am still so emotional about it. My best sister and this is how it goes.  It just saddens me full throttle right now.

I spent years of my teens babysitting for her, devoting my time to help her, cleaning her house, everything. I would do anything for her and always have. I was at her beck n call.  I have never done anything but help her in my life.  That is what hurts the most.


I am the type who really reaches out to people. I put my heart out a lot and try to get to know people and let people know I  care about them. By doing so, I know I am susceptible to getting hurt. I can't even tell you how many times my heart was broken in college by some guys or even some of my gal friends who I helped and helped but learned later they were only using me.
I get some people are not overly friendly back and so I draw away from them in fear of getting hurt. It's just who I am or have become.
 Why oh why does it bother me? Because we are supposed to be unified sisters in the gospel of Jesus Christ, a sisterhood, a support, a friend, someone who loves and cares about each other.
 I feel more sadness because of that very reason. A reason centered around some gravitating towards some, either by choosing to connect with them or not.

I believed instagram could be a way for me to have a support group, a mom group, anything. I love talking to people. It seems in our society, it is harder and harder to connect with people in real life. Technology and social media seem the root of all connection nowadays. Does this seem wrong? In some ways it's great, in others, not so great.

I was reading an instagram article. It pointed out do's and dont's of instagram etiquette. One thing that really stuck out to me was it mentioned followers.  Similiar to manners, it said if someone follows an individual,  that individual is really supposed to follow back. If they don't,  unfollow them.  Instagram should never be one sided.

Instagram proved to be a mistake in the long run. I can't control others, but I can control my reaction.  There is so much good out there and so much competition, I just felt my feed was a tiny needle in a HUGE haystack.  I suppose I could of given instagram a chance, read up more about how to get followers, but I can't even remember some of my friends last names now from my childhood.

How am I supposed to find anyone?. It just got to be too much, and quite frankly, It feels right not being involved with social media in such a way. My life feels lighter again. I don't feel the need to compare myself to others, I don't feel the need to take perfect filtered pictures, and I don't feel the need that I need to take pictures of interesting things, just to feel cool on there. I just like living my life simple. This feels right.
 I am a daughter of God and I know social media is just part of the plan to test our strengths and weaknesses on this earth.  I can't turn worldly, but I can turn more spiritual. Going to the temple with my husband, reading my scriptures every morning and daily prayer are my strengths and my focus now and I feel my greatest acceptance when I am closest to the Lord.

source for picture: http://feelgrafix.com/group/images-of-flowers.html