How Our Lives Have Changed Part 2

This is more of a continuation of last post I wrote but didn't have time to finish.  This post is hard to write because it is not in the slightest bit positive. It is the truth and I am at a loss of how to make things right at this point in the game.

When it was just us 3, I felt I had more control over Sunny's behavior.  This time around, my energy is lingering, I am in constant mama bear protective mode, and I am dealing with a very defiant child at her worse. I do not know if things will get better. I have yet to talk to anyone who has gone through what I am.

Today in particular was really tough.  Since Olivia's birth, I have put so much of my attention on her. I don't mind one bit. The sleepless nights are all worth it. I love this little baby so much I can't even express it.

However, Sunny's behavior has gotten worse since her arrival and today was quite the breaking point for me. Last night, I got about 2 hours of sleep. Olivia has had some acid reflux and was gassy most of the night. She has been such a great sleeper most of the day, but evenings she can get a bit fussy and has started to spit up more and more.

This morning, Sunny was doing all sorts of things to annoy me. While I was in the kitchen washing bottles I noticed it was very quiet. I have felt very nervous about leaving Sunny with Olivia for even the slightest of second so I quickly ran into the living room only to find Olivia missing. I panicked and then saw a huge pile of pillows and blankets and Olivia was on the bottom, suffocating.  Sunny had decided to build a fort and use her as the base.

I was so frustrated and mortified as Olivia lay there motionless and quite in shock.  I picked her up quickly and thank goodness I had gotten to her in time.  I sent Sunny to her room. I know Sunny knows nothing about suffocation and trying to explain it to her would probably do no good.

This is one example of me or Rodney constantly disciplining Sunny All. Day. Long.  She has become so rebellious often picking the baby up, poking her eyes or rubbing her head a bit too hard.

I know that Sunny is responding in a negative way, but I don't know how to correct her behavior as she is increasingly refusing to obey any of us, she is starting to refuse to please us and I think she is beginning to just hate us in general.

About a week ago she actually said the words I never thought I would hear, but she said said it, "I hate you mommy."  That nearly broke me and I still have no idea where she picked up that word "hate."  Preschool??

What saddens me most is my relationship with Sunny is not great right now.  It's actually quite negative. I am making effort to take her out one on one but even that has turned into me having to discipline her.

I know there are worse problems out there. This blog is my own little journal and I know I will appreciate this in years to come.

I hope and pray this is just a phase.

How Our Lives Have Changed

It's crazy to think that it's already almost 3 weeks since our lives changed.

It's crazy that these pictures were taken just a few weeks ago yet seem ages ago.

 just after she was born. I'm pretty exposed here, but modesty does go out the window after giving birth. I was thrilled she latched on and got the nursing thing even though I am using mostly bottles.

  the most beautiful, breathtaking     moment ever.

                  My last Dr. appt, hooray!!

I forgot what it was like to get up so often in the night with a newborn, how much water I would need to drink while nursing and how much more laundry detergent I would go through.

I wouldn't want it any other way. I'm tired,  yes, but I am so happy with where I am in life.

Sunny has been the hardest. I have felt guilt for not validating her feelings enough. last week I decided I missed just hanging out with her like past times.

I have made every effort to take her along when I run errands and its made a huge difference.

Our Newest Addition

Olivia Adelaide Tracy

Oct. 7, 2016

6 pounds 13 oz

19 inches

7:34 am

She is so sweet, so mellow, so fragile, so beyond perfection.

She's already two weeks. I hope time slows down. I love these newborn snuggles. 

I really did things different this time around. I got out pretty much right when we got home. I am back to the gym, yoga,  and my life as it was before. This amazes alot of people, but truth be told, the longer I stay shelterd inside, the harder it is to return to my old routine.

As the saying goes, A baby changes everything. So true, but in such a wonderful way.

A few pictures

Choosing her name was extremely difficult.  I had Rodney decide right before we left hospital because I couldn't decide. Adelaide was her name during my pregnancy, but after she arrived I got more indecisive about names.

Sunny is adapting okay to the change.  The first week was tough, lots of meltdowns and she refused to eat hardly anything,  including her favorite pizza. She gets jealous especially when her grandma holds the baby.

This week is better,  she loves Olivia and can love on her a bit hard making us on edge. She's a great helper and loves getting me diapers or other things I need.

I am doing the bottle method this time. My breast pump is really getting use this time. I am getting super skinny from this but that's normal for me. As soon as I am through this first year, hopefully,  I will put on and keep the weight on again.

We love our little babe and can't wait to see her grow, change and interact with her big sister.

Sunny's new bike

Sunny got a new bike today. I remember when i got my first bike at about 4 and it was something i will never forget. I think Sunny will remember this day. I promised her a bike months ago when she mastered potty training, and she has reminded me almost daily about her need for a bike.
I debated on different bikes, but eventually decided this is the better fit for her.  I love Radio Flyer bikes for their antique vintage look. This one is steel but has plastic tires, unlike some other models with rubber. I think the quality is good and should last her a few years. She can ride it until she's 5 and then pass it down, if it still works.
It has a bell which she loves and a place to store stuff. I think we will be spending a lot of time with this trike at the park. I love that it has a parent handle so I can push her along until she's on her own. Sunny is so thrilled and hardly had patience while it was put together.

Slightly Better

Yesterday I was sent home with the supplies to collect her urine sample to bring in. Problem is, it hasn't been easy.

The clinic doesn't open until 9 and trying to get a sample after that hasn't been fun. She hasn't been going much for one and she's been in diapers due to diarrhea.

I am hoping to get lucky and get a sample today. But I the meantime she has been drinking cranberry juice and eating yogurt.

Her temp is down to 99 degrees now and she's playing more and sleeping less. I think she's lost weight but that would be expected.  She's irritable,  but that's normal.

She weighs 29 pounds and is 3 feet tall.  I told her she was seeing Doc McStuffins to ease her fears. It sordive worked.

I so needed to get out today. Being sick and cooped up in the house all week has been insane.  I headed to Target and bought Sunny this

She was so excited.  She loves building toys or anything to do with creating something.  Legos were becoming old hats and I have a feeling this will be used a ton. I do not spoil Sunny at all, and it's been ages since she got a new toy. She earned this for getting potty trained, and I did feel sorry for her being sick n all.

. Rodney loves this type of stuff too. Great bonding time while I get some R&R.

This is one of the best toys ever. Nonstop entertainment.  Watching 15 marbles make it to bottom is so fun. Best toy I ever bought.

My baby shower was supposed to be tomorrow but it ain't happening anymore. I am totally fine with it.  Tonight I plan to watch another 4 or 5 episodes of Parenthood (I'm already on season 2), eat taco salad, maybe get out some frozen cookie dough and ice cream, put Sunny to bed by 8:30 and then watch a movie with my guy. I love weekends.

I am loving this month's cool weather. Fall treats me well.

Still Sick

Sunny is still sick, but I am better.  Usually if I do get sick,  it last 24 hours. I feel lucky I dont get sick often and i am one who rarely catches stuff from others, thanks to a strong immune system i guess. Knock on wood.  

My theory is that Sunny has a UTI.  We are going in today to get her checked out. Her temp has been about 102 and she can't sleep at night.  She has been crashing during the day.

                Naps are a rarity, so she must be sick.

I've been drinking a lot of herbal tea and just taking it easy. I'm back to the gym after a 3 week departure. I need this. 

When We're Both Sick

Today Sunny and i both woke up under the weather. She had preschool but was tossing and turning all night. I knew she wasn't herself.
She had breakfast and her nose started running. She has had a runny nose for awhile now and I'm not sure it's allergies or what.  She seemed to be coming around so I took her to school.
Sometimes its hard to know if your child is sick or just has a stomach ache. I thought she just had a little ache but after I picked her up, I knew she had much more.
With myself feeling sick, i tried to get her to take a nap. It took about 3 hours before she fell asleep.

She took an hour nap and I took her temp which was 102 .  She felt hot so she had some Tylenol. Both of us have no appetite.  My stomach has felt so hard and there is so much pressure that I haven't slept well at night in weeks. I think severe lack of sleep really is the culprit behind me feeling so sick today.
Poor Sunny. I Hope she returns to her spunky self soon.

                          Snuggling on my lap and an 8 month bump.